As CNN’s defense expert mentions in the short clip below, the teacher who accidentally included a 6 second clip of herself having sex on a DVD of “Class Memories” she mixed and handed out to her fifth grade class at the end of the year may be “criminally stupid,” but is it really something worth looking into criminal charges over? The parent that was interviewed for the segment mentions potential illegalities and is asking for counseling for his kids.

Now, I’m certainly not suggesting that this teacher be let off scott free, though no amount of punishment short of being tried in court is likely to be as effective as the sheer embarrassment she’s probably already experiencing. However, I do understand the desire of the parents involved to get some sort of retribution. The question then is, what’s appropriate? Does she really deserve to be taken to court and slapped with a potential sex offender tag for what seems to have been just an admittedly large lapse in intelligence?

I’d like to think that if it was my kid in that class, I’d be able to approach the situation with some level of understanding and even compassion towards the teacher. What’s done in someone else’s bedroom isn’t any of my concern, so if the kindergarten teacher down the street likes to get all freaky in their Dungeon O’ Love, so be it. As long as they’re effective and competent in the classroom, then his or her subscription to Ball Gags Monthly is pretty much irrelevant. If that info does manage to slip out into the public ether through accidental means, then why should I hold it against them?

So, back to this particular faux pas. Assuming it’s just a 6 second clip of your standard, run-of-the-mill sex tape (and at this point, there’s nothing to indicate otherwise), I’d vote for letting her off with a warning to better vet her video projects before presenting them to impressionable 10-11 year olds. As for the parents who’s kids saw the clip, well, get over it. At that age, it’s about time to have The Talk with them anyhow, so look at this as the perfect segue into what’s not exactly a comfortable topic in the first place! No matter what, try to keep your heads on straight and remember that there are far, far worse things in the world that your kids are likely exposed to on a daily basis than a few seconds of home-taped intercourse.

I’m not really sure why this would come as a surprise to anyone, but apparently it is – competitive eaters have higher rates of diabetes, acid reflux and other problems than the average person. Not that this is likely to stop anyone with an inclination to become a competitive snickerdoodle snarfer from doing so.

In 2007, four University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine doctors who specialize in gastroenterology and radiology conducted an experiment on the stomach activities of a competitive eater and an average eater.

The average eater ate seven hot dogs before he felt sick. Champion speed eater Tim Janus ate 36 hot dogs in 10 minutes before doctors intervened.

Janus, a trim 29-year-old at the time, insisted that he did not feel full. Through training and competing, he no longer felt full regardless of how much he ate. His stomach did not have muscle contractions called peristalsis, which move the food down the digestive tract.

Instead, the hot dogs sat in his stomach and “protruded enough to create the distinct impression of a developing intrauterine pregnancy,” the doctors wrote.

Blurgh.

Either the Borders’ graphic novel display area in Montclair, CA has been totally sacked by Watchmen and Naruto fans, or it was pitifully stocked in the first place. 2-3 years ago, I’d have suspected the former, but after the press and public attention the Watchmen graphic novel’s received in the last year, I’m tending to think it’s actually the latter.

All other cos-players can just give up. Pack it in. Head home. This dude’s Ambush Bug costume is pretty much unbeatable. Seriously, I fail to see how anyone could improve upon it – the dude’s even got a genuine Cheeks doll!!

This is a perfect example of why the internet is so freaking amazing. Back in the day, long ’bout 15-20 years ago, the only place you’d have a chance in hell of seeing something like this would be at a random gallery showing (I loved Baltimore’s First Thursday!) or, if the artist was big enough or lucky enough, maybe in a magazine or something. Now, anyone with a great idea has the potential to be seen by millions, including you and me.

Enter Huw Gwilliam, a graphic designer from the UK who struck gold with his idea to take classic rock and roll album covers and re-imagine them as vintage Pelican books. There’s not a single one that doesn’t look great, but as people who know me know, it should come as no surprise that the Licensed To Ill cover is my hands down favorite. If I had both the time and inclination to rip off his idea, I’d probably do up the entire Beasties catalog in a similar fashion, before moving on to Public Enemy and The Clash…

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Not content with scamming retirement funds from 85 year old widows and widowers, it seems that internet scumbags have taken to stealing hard earned neopoints from little kids as well.

See, people who play with Neopets tend to be young children, 90% of which are in the elementary school range. They collect, trade and earn points with which to “buy” rare items and articles of interest with which to gussy up, feed or otherwise care for their Neopets.

Apparently, scammers have discovered that there’s a lot of value phishing on Neopets sites and forums, offering items such as magical paintbrushes – a hot commodity – and other hot items in order to get the kids to click on external links and unknowingly download trojan horses. As you can imagine, this can lead not only to kids losing their Neopets points, but to their parents possibly having their credit card info, bank account numbers, etc. totally jacked.

Wave goodbye to your rare items, kids – and you didn’t want your XBox Live account (that potentially has credit card details attached to it) anymore either, did you? The attackers then use the familiar tactic of taking a previously trusted source and using it to attack their friends & other newcomers to the site. Alongside hanging out in the handily labeled “Newbies” section and spamming messages, they’ll also post fake “It worked” messages from compromised accounts to the forums of threads started by the attacker, much like people do on Youtube to give the impression that fake programs actually work (scroll down to “positive comments”).

And the evil doesn’t stop there! According to the first comment at the post I linked to earlier, there’s a World of Warcraft-like after market for leveled-up Neopets and points, so the kids that fall for these scams might not only lose some of their points, but could potentially lose their beloved Neopets as well. The thief might then turn around and sell the innocent cyber-creature on another site, rendering it lost to the original owner forever. It’s like a Lifetime movie of the week, but starring weird little mash-up critters instead of Meredith Baxter Birney and underwritten by a multitude of parents’ financial information.

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I’m not sure what’s better – that CNN actually had the term “Cats ‘N’ Racks” go out over the air, or that the cop in charge of questioning this murder suspect’ character witness is Detective Mackey.

In a move that’s surprising to absolutely nobody who’s paid attention the last few years, 7-Eleven has announced that they’ll soon be offering limited edition G.I. Joe themed Slurpees. The cups will feature Baroness, Snake Eyes, Stormshadow and…Duke? Ok, then, moving on to the flavors. Sugar fiends will have a choice between “GO JOE” Energy Cappucino and Liquid Artillery Slurpee. Why it’s “GO JOE” and not “YO JOE,” I don’t know – just be glad I wasn’t in charge or you’d be only be able to get red Slurpees in Cobra cups and blue flavors in Joe themed cups.

Complete press release after the jump…

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